Don't Forget To Breathe
by Jazyrha
Summary: Just pretend you can take on the world. Hold your head up high. Just breathe. /Slighty implied KyouKao/ /Done for Tranquillezza's Phobia challenge on S.H.I.N.E/


**Don't Forget To Breathe.**

In, out. In and out. In, out.

Don't.

Forget.

How to breathe.

Hands slowly clench around the briefcase, lips in order, smile flawlessly upon your face.

Swallow the fear. Swallow the pain.

And breathe.

As long as you don't forget to breathe, it's going to be fine. Yeah. Just tell that. It's going to be fine.

_It's never,_

_Going to be fine._

They don't know how much your heart races. Don't know the fear. Don't know how you suppress the trembling. Don't know how the tears burn behind your eyes.

They don't know you.

_At all._

Just pretend you can take on the world. Hold your head up high.

Breathe.

_Don't forget to breathe._

In, out. In and out.

In.

Out.

Out.

In.

("Keeping your grades at the top of the school is something your brothers already managed to do. You must know I'm no longer satisfied with just that.")

But that's okay. You can take it. You can take it all. Take it. Take every hit, every punch, every day, every breath.

Take on the world.

_Alone._

_Always alone._

Listen. Your heart is still beating. Your lungs are still breathing. Your legs are still walking. Your knees are still stable. Your food is still inside your stomach. Your tears are still behind your eyes.

Keep it all inside.

Oh, and –

_- Don't forget to breathe._

("But you're the third son; you're not like your brothers. It's okay if you take it easy sometimes, Kyouya.")

It's. Not. Okay.

_It's never,_

_Going to be okay._

Remember to breathe.

Remember to walk.

Remember to look as if you're unbreakable.

Because you are Kyouya Ohtori. You are the youngest Ohtori son. Ohtori's don't fear.

You are Kyouya and you are fearless.

_Remember to lie._

("Kyouya.")

Hey.

("Yes, father?")

Why

("I've decided it's time to see what you can do to be of any use. This Friday, your brother was supposed to give a presentation. I want you to do it. Go ask him for the information you need.")

Won't

("Yes, father.")

You

("Kyouya. I believe in your potential. Make sure you do not become my first misjudgement.")

Breathe?

("I will assure you that will not be the case, father.")

So tell those 'friends' of you, you'll have to leave earlier. Tell those 'friends' you do not care in the slightest.

Don't tell them how scared you are.

_Someone save me._

What if you're not good enough?

… _But you never were._

What if you fail?

… _But you always do._

What if – what if-

Breathe.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

Just block it out. Don't think. Don't ever think again.

_But there's no way you can do this._

Remember to smile. Remember to not fear anything.

You're not scared. You never really were.

It's not because of fear your heart has been missing beats all day. It's not because of fear you can barely speak and you have to sit down, because your knees won't carry you anymore.

_There's no way you can do this._

Control the shaking in your voice when you speak to your 'best friend.' Suppress the trembling of your hands, the shiver down your spine.

The world has turned its back on you already.

_From the very start._

There's no point in freaking out. No one cares.

_They already knew you were going to fail._

("Don't be my first misjudgement.")

_But he didn't mean that._

You're trying so hard. Trying so hard, so very, very, very hard.

Why doesn't he love you?

_Because no one would love a failure like you._

No!

No. Don't listen.

These voices in your head,

They're yours. Yours and yours alone.

They're nothing.

_But they're everything._

That nagging voice in your head that keeps telling you _there's no way you can do this _has no right to speak.

You are Kyouya Ohtori.

You can do anything.

_But you'll fail. You'll fail every__ time._

Hey.

You're forgetting to breathe.

_There's __no one who wants you to breathe._

These voices in your head are yours alone. These chains around your hands aren't real.

You can breathe.

_You'll fail._

No. No. No.

You can do this. You can stand there and you'll talk.

What if you forget what to say?

… _But you're not interesting anyway._

What if you say the wrong things?

… _But wrong is what you are._

If you fail this, you'll fail everything.

… _But you will fail, because you always do._

Shut up, don't listen, shut up.

Hey,

Why don't you

Just breathe?

_Because it's _

_Too hard._

("Senpai? Senpai?")

Remember to breathe. Remember to turn around.

Don't forget to smile.

("Yes, Kaoru?")

Remember. Remember.

Don't let him see the failure you are.

("Uhm… I just… wanted to wish you good luck! You seem a little… nervous.")

Command your heart to beat.

Command your lungs to take a deep, deep breathe.

What was it, that you had to say?

("I'm not nervous.")

_You already know you're going to screw up and fail._

You already know they'll leave you behind if you're not perfect. You already know.

("Ah, I see. Hey, senpai, I want you to have this.")

And your hands tremble a little when you touch his, when you take what he gave you.

_No one loves a failure like you._

No one cares. You're useless. You're of no use.

You cannot succeed in anything that you do, so there's no use in living.

They'll dump you if you don't reach perfection.

("A necklace?")

If you fail, you'll be of no use.

Breathing is so hard. Talking is so hard. Standing is so hard.

_Why don't you give up already?_

("Yeah! I got it from my mom. She told me it was to help me with exams and stuff. So, I want you to have it. And when you're stressed, you can hold it and put all the stress in there. Okaaay?")

Swallow.

Breathe.

Smile.

_He won't love you anymore if you fail. _

("I'm not stressed. But since it'd be rude to decline a gift, I'll take it.")

Hey,

Don't forget to breathe when he smiles at you.

Don't forget to think.

Don't forget you're still a failure.

He doesn't really care.

_Because no one does._

("Hey, senpai…")

Control.

Everything.

("Just don't forget to breathe, okay? I'm sure you're going to be perfect! And even if you're not, that's still okay, right?")

He can't really see through you.

He doesn't know what he says.

("I'll keep that in mind.")

Turn around. Walk away.

Remember the time you thought these walls could protect you. Remember the time you still believed you could make mistakes.

Remember the time before you became this failure.

Remember that time has never really been there.

_You'll never succeed._

Slowly, reach for the necklace.

Call yourself stupid, call yourself dumb.

You cannot stop it. Just touch it. Just hold it.

_You cannot take on the world._

But he thinks you can.

_He doesn't know you._

But he said you were going to do fine.

_But you're going to fail him too._

He's going to leave you too. He's going to turn his back on you too.

He's going to hate you for your imperfection too.

What if you don't fail?

_You will._

You won't.

You won't fail him.

Because,

You've finally,

Remembered

How to

_Breathe._

_(...)_

**This was done for Tranquillezza's phobia challenge. The phobia I choose was: Failure (-Atychiphobia/Kakorrhaphiophobia-). I hope it shined through a bit. Well. In any case: this was written to support the KyouKao fanclub, on SHINE. Please join SHINE! It's a super cool forum! You're gunna love it!**

Hahah. The reason I'm talking about the breathing constantly is because I just stop breathing when I'm scared. Honestly. I just freeze and forget to breathe. And well, yeah. It's just slightly implied KyouKao. More friendship I guess. OH WELL!

... It didn't turn out as well as I wanted. XD So Jazy is sad.

Please review? Pleaaaaaaaase? XDDD 

- Jazy


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